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Aug. 3rd, 2011



i was google-ing my name (conceited??haha) and this showed

“God gives AND takes away. It’s not God gives OR takes away. It doesn’t mean God will always take away what He gives. I focus too much on the taking that I forget that God takes AND gives.”

with my name on it. i was quoted by one of my d12 XD

reminder for me :)

shoes are not so sparkling clean

woke up a bit early than the usual. the weather's great for sleeping and bad for exercising haha. i'm a person who wants to see sweat while exercising and i mean a lot of it not just bits and bits here and there. *sigh* when will i resume my exercise??

i washed my rubber shoes this morning. yay! haha though it's still a bit dirty >.< it's already worn out and i was having second thought of washing it but i washed it (in case i'll be giving it away, i want it to be somehow "clean")

cooked rice. i'm hungry! i just had water for breakfast, 1/2 glass of water! i gained so much weight this week. i really have to start exercising again! :)

John 8:11
“Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”

i am asking God why i've stopped growing in Him and He gave me this verse. the chapter before this is about the unbelief of Jews. i have to leave my life of unbelief and start believing the promises God gave me. i'm scared, really, 'cause i'm afraid it would be another disappointment but i just have to believe that God is sovereign and that whatever happens, He's in control and that i don't have to question or blame anybody, even myself. And that God will accomplish what He promised. He is sovereign.

Aug. 2nd, 2011


lazy day so i'm back!

i'm updating again! though no one might actually read my posts..haha

what a lazy day! it's raining hard and it's cold outside :) sleep is the best thing to do! hahahaha
things are different these days. people are talking weird. i mean really weird, not what i usually hear. they tell me mushy stuff and all and i'm so not used to it hahaha! oh well, that's the complexity of a human heart i guess? they are mushy and sweet and inconsistent! yes inconsistent and i don't want their mushyness to be in my system 'cause i know i'll look for it when it's gone haha

consistency, please! :)

Jul. 5th, 2010


beyond failures

i failed.. again. yes, that wasn’t a surprise. it’s like part of my everyday hospital duty.

i failed. i kept repeating that to myself when God interrupted and said, “Yes, you failed but I love you still..that will never change. look beyond your failures and see My love bigger than those [failures]”


Feb. 23rd, 2010


He doesn't need my fish

another post related to breakfast at the shore.

yes, Jesus doesn’t need my “fish”. He already prepared a breakfast for me.. i just have to be willing to get out of the boat or drag the boat at the shore and run towards him :)

i’m trying not to stress myself too much over the completion of cases (15 cases).

i tried to look for a certain person whom i can give my letter asking for an endorsement letter for the clinic i am supposed to have duties. sadly, i didn’t find her. she went out early. disappointed at first but God reminded me that that’s outside my control.. that He can let two different people meet even if they came from different islands… uerm pa kaya.. our school is just small and surely God can do it.. i just don’t know when or if He wills it.. He knows what’s best for me anyway.

received a message for tomorrow’s meetiing. i asked my mom if i could go and she said “lagi ka nalang umaalis tapos gabi pa yun.” is that a “no”? haha i’m still waiting for the final answer.. once again this is outside my control though i really want to go :)

today.. everything’s outside my control but inside His control.

He’s holding me in His very palm and i know i am secure. :)

Jesus doesn’t need my fish but He appreciates it anyway :)

Feb. 21st, 2010


breakfast at the shore

Jesus and the Miraculous Catch of Fish (John21:1-14)


1Afterward Jesus appeared again to his disciples, by the Sea of Tiberias. It happened this way: 2Simon Peter, Thomas (called Didymus), Nathanael from Cana in Galilee, the sons of Zebedee, and two other disciples were together. 3I’m going out to fish,” Simon Peter told them, and they said, “We’ll go with you.” So they went out and got into the boat, but that night they caught nothing.

4Early in the morning, Jesus stood on the shore, but the disciples did not realize that it was Jesus.

5He called out to them, “Friends, haven’t you any fish?
No,” they answered.

— still in this part.. caught nothing.. it’s not because “malas ako” or i have “balat sa pwet” like what the nurse in the lying-in asked us.. i know it’s God’s work.. and sometimes that hurts even more.. i asked several times and maybe still asking, “why?” and i’ve been “fishing” when there’s supposed to be a lot “fish” but there’s NONE.

6He said, “Throw your net on the right side of the boat and you will find some.” When they did, they were unable to haul the net in because of the large number of fish.

—still waiting when God will tell me this. Did he already tell me this? am i just too busy with things that i can’t hear His voice?

7Then the disciple whom Jesus loved said to Peter, “It is the Lord!” As soon as Simon Peter heard him say, “It is the Lord,” he wrapped his outer garment around him (for he had taken it off) and jumped into the water. 8The other disciples followed in the boat, towing the net full of fish, for they were not far from shore, about a hundred yards.[b]9When they landed, they saw a fire of burning coals there with fish on it, and some bread.

10Jesus said to them, “Bring some of the fish you have just caught.”

11Simon Peter climbed aboard and dragged the net ashore. It was full of large fish, 153, but even with so many the net was not torn. 12Jesus said to them, “Come and have breakfast.None of the disciples dared ask him, “Who are you?” They knew it was the Lord. 13Jesus came, took the bread and gave it to them, and did the same with the fish. 14This was now the third time Jesus appeared to his disciples after he was raised from the dead.

—still learning to get out of the boat and just run to Him. still learning to believe not just with my head but with my heart that Jesus has already prepared a breakfast for me even though i haven’t caught anything… that He has prepared everything even though i have none and even though i tried to do things my way.. that He appreciates what i’m doing or what i did even if it’s a little and it’s not really from me but from Him.. that He’s in control and just waiting for me to run to Him, to sit and chat with Him.. not worrying about anything.. to just be still and enjoy the breakfast He has prepared for me after a long tiring day of fishing.. to just enjoy being with Him.. to just enjoy Him..and nothing else.



Jan. 30th, 2010


moonlight :)

I had the most amazing, romantic date tonight :)

We didn’t go to a fancy restaurant; we just sat on the old wooden bench in front of a carinderia and bought a bottle of Sprite. We didn’t talk much but we talked. We just gazed at the moonlight and felt the quietness of the night. We hear chatters but we didn’t mind; people didn’t mind me either. It’s just me and God, in the stillness of the night. The moon shone brightly and i could feel that He made this night especially for me, for us. It was so romantic :). I wouldn’t trade this for a date with my GB haha. :)

Contentment, joy, peace, rest, freedom, love, grace.

In the stillness of my soul, I can see Your love more.

In my darkest night, Your light shines brightly.

In the deepest pit, Your hand reached for me and rescued me.

Thank You.

I can really say “I love You, Jesus, because You first loved me, continues to love me, and will never stop loving me.”

Your love is just too much. I distanced myself from You because I can’t contain Your love. Sin separates me from You. I can’t contain that You love me despite of my failures and sins. I thought, “that’s too good to be true. i’m so broken. i don’t deserve any favor/ blessing from You.” Your love is just too much. You see me through the eyes of grace. You see my failures and sins but love me the same.

Your love is really too much, so great. It doesn’t end at the cross. It continues forever. Now I understand why it’s called an everlasting love.

Thank You, God, for showing me Your love through my dgroup. :)

Words from ate and questions and pieces of advice from april made me teary-eyed. A hug and “i love you” from ross made me break into tears. A smile and “i love you” from tati made my eyes teary again.

Lord, thank You.


Jan. 19th, 2010


let go...

last week was a stressful week.

the jeepney drivers didn't give me the right change. lectures were draining my brain cells. the smell of temptation was enticing. i slept at 3:30am for our ncp. my friend got mad at me because i was insensitive. i was almost a dead kid for 8 hours. my prc forms for actual, assist and cord care are still empty. i couldn't focus and failed many times.

last thursday morning..

i woke up at 7am. i was cramming for the unfinished ncp. i was starving. i was alone in the house. an hour left before my duty and i still wasn't preparing for school. i still didn't read my bible. i began to worry and just wanted time to stop. i wanted to be in a quiet place where i could just rest, i wanted to be far from the noise of worries of this world. frustrations came crawling inside me. i sat still, trying to calm myself thinking whether i should rush to get dressed or spend time with God. after minutes of sitting still, i stretched my hand to get my old bible and the journal given. i read, still worrying of the time. i read and read and the word HELPLESSNESS just struck me. i read john 5:1-9 where Jesus asked an invalid man a question answerable by yes or no.."do you want to get well?" and the invalid man just gave an excuse. i saw myself in that man. i saw how helpless i was and how i tried to give excuses to God when He's just asking me if i want to get well? i gave Him answers like, "i deserve this Lord..this is my fault" or "i'm ok..my problem's not that big.. others have bigger problems than mine [maybe You just won't mind mine]". i didn't admit to God that i'm helpless because i thought i was ok..i prayed for other people more and when i'll pray for myself, i just couldn't think of much to pray about. that i was just ok..my condition's ok. this just broke my heart and i just cried unto God and recognized my helplessness. i was so desperate, so desperate for Him because it was like He had closed His ears from my prayers because of my selfishness. But God didn't really close His ears..it's just that the noise of the world became much louder that i couldn't hear God's voice and my cry for helplessness.

things didn't go well after that. this was the day my friend got mad at me (it was really my fault), i have to lower my pride, i experienced rejection that day. rejection is what i fear the most..this is one thing that i always try to avoid by being nice and all. that day, it was like God was the only one who's beside me. i wanted so much to fix the problem immediately. i tried to text my bestfriend because i was about to cry but i didn't have enough balance to send a single message. i wasn't still letting go of the problem. i've told God my problem but not really given the problem to Him. i went home disappointed at how the day ended. I checked my cellphone and saw a message from my friend and we're ok. she's not mad anymore. and truly it was God who fixed my problem. i didn't do anything.

i'm learning to let go of things that God wanted me to let go and to entrust them to Him, not holding back anything but just giving everything to Him.

i'm learning from Abraham's story. He is obedient to God.

Genesis 21:8-20 God told him to let go of his son Ishmael and God promised that He'll make Ishmael into a nation too because he's Abraham's son. Hagar and Ishmael were sent away and they wandered in the desert. When the water in the skin was gone, Hagar put the boy under the bushes because she cannot watch the boy die. They will die because they don't have water.

v17 God heard the boy crying, and the angel of God called to Hagar from heaven and said to her, "What is the matter, Hagar? Do not be afraid; God has heard the boy crying as he lies there. 18 Lift the boy up and take him by the hand, for I will make him into a great nation."

 19 Then God opened her eyes and she saw a well of water. So she went and filled the skin with water and gave the boy a drink.

 20 God was with the boy as he grew up. He lived in the desert and became an archer. 21 While he was living in the Desert of Paran, his mother got a wife for him from Egypt.

There are things we must let go and just give them to God for He will surely not abandon what we've given up to His hands, especially people.

Hagar and Ishmael = Abraham had to let them go but God never did abandon them. He cared for them and fulfilled His promise to Abraham.

Abraham let go of the things God asked from him. And God didn't forsake or abandon what Abraham has entrusted into His hands.

Dec. 17th, 2009


beyond a blessing

watched td jakes sermon a while ago on daystar

beyond a blessing...what does this mean?

beyond a blessing.. it's when you desire more of God than anything else.. when you start to ask God more of Him than what He could give you.. when you seek His face than His hands

sharing what i've learned :)

these weeks.. i've been trying to do things for God.. trying to bring people to Him.. yes nothing's wrong with that.. but the problem is.. i based my closeness to God with that.. i thought my relationship with God is becoming better when i bring people to Him.. i thought that's what God wants.. and so i focused more on those things.. yes, God wants that but He showed me last night what's important for Him.. it's having a PERSONAL relationship with Him.. personal.. no other people involved.. my relationship with God will not grow with just me bringing people for Him.. i HAVE to spend time with Him.. just God and me.. being me and God being God.. i thought how i am.. how i feel.. how i am doing is not so important and winning souls is more important.. and somehow.. i grew tired.. it's exciting but it didn't fill me.. the joy wasn't complete because i know for sure that i'm NOT ok..

mark 6

 30The apostles gathered around Jesus and reported to him all they had done and taught. 31Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, "Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest."

hindi sila nakakain dahil sa mga tao.. and people just kept coming to Jesus...
Jesus taught the people and it was already late.. they were in a remote place..
di pa kumakain yung mga tao

 35By this time it was late in the day, so his disciples came to him. "This is a remote place," they said, "and it's already very late. 36Send the people away so they can go to the surrounding countryside and villages and buy themselves something to eat."

 37But he answered, "You give them something to eat."

ok.. you need a lot to feed these people!

 38"How many loaves do you have?" he asked. "Go and see."

3 points God taught me with this passage...

i am so busy with stuffs and with people coming to Jesus that i didn't notice how my walk with Him is..
"Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest." this really caught my attention last night.. i've been too busy and too tired that i haven't really sit down and chat with Jesus.. i feel like i've been running around in circles..
here is Jesus.. wanting to spend time with me.. Come with me by yourselves
i reallized that our personal relationship with Him is what matters to Him.. He loves His own so much that He doesn't want to lose any of them.. He knows when we're tired and when we just need to stop for a while and just be with Him.. by ourselves .. not thinking anything but just enjoying being in His presence..

but God also doesn't drive people away.. everyone's precious in His sight.. everyone's important..
"You give them something to eat."
God is telling me na ibigay ko sa tao yung meron ako..
madalas sabi ko kay God.. kelangan ko din ng food.. kelangan ko ng magfeeed sakin.. i complained about being "malnourished" and how can i give if i don't get any
but Jesus said.. "give them something to eat"

i see myself as someone who doesn't have anything to share but this verse
How many loaves do you have?" he asked. "Go and see."
made me realized once again that numbers are not important.. it's the willingness.. kahit gaano kakonti yung meron ka.. God can use that...

God bless :)


thank you :)

to my 3 girl friends :)

i thank God for you.. you're all a blessing in my life.

1. to you, i've been blessed by your life and how you wanted to know more about God... how you're honest with what you feel..i pray that you would continue to seek His face and that you would continue to grow in love with Jesus. our meeting was very planned. it's funny how we became close and i really thank God for that. i love you, friend :) you always tell me that i always encourage you but the truth is, you encourage me too in a special way.. when i think that God cannot use me because of my failings and insufficuency.. then you texted me and told me that i inspire you..  i am reminded that God can use even the weakest for His glory.. you said i uplift you.. friend, you uplift my spirit in a special way that you may not even know :)

2. to you, my new-found friend.. it's also funny how we became friends. i realized that i have to be hurt first before i could know you. i was hurt that time and i was asking God why i have to go through that again when it has hurt me so much.. but then now i realized that the hurt has its purpose and that's to know you, friend. the hurt's worth it! i pray that you would seek God and find Him in a very special place.. that you would not just see Jesus' story as something interesting but rather a life-changing. it's more than interesting..:) i pray that you would experience a very meaningful life with Him :) i love you, friend :) thank you for making me feel welcome :) you are so friendly! i pray that people will see that in you.. :)

3: to you, your text this morning is one of the best gifts i received this Christmas season. it's a reminder for me that God holds everything and that i'm not in control of everything.. that in my failings and shortcomings, God's grace shines the more. my heart leaped for joy when you told me that you prayed the prayer (of salvation)on the back.. and i really thank God for that... i love you, friend.. :) i pray that God will continue to reveal Himself to you and that you'll seek His face.. that you'll see His extravagant love for you each moment of your life.. i pray that you would grow deeper in love with Jesus. and oh.. congratulations! :) thank you, friend, for your company and your concern for people :)

Lord God, thank You so much for giving me these girl friends :)
our meetings were perfectly planned by You..  very unusual and might be odd for some.. our personalities were not very similar but once again You showed me that You can bring two different people together and it's all for Your glory.. ^^
i love You, Jesus! :)

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